I want you to notice, when I’m not around…

I … yeah.

I want you to notice when i’m not around.

I want to live in a different time, a different place, where we could be ‘we’, where I wouldn’t have to pretend like I can stop thinking about you. Like you’re not on my mind all the time. Like I don’t want to curl up next to you at the end of these long days. 

I hate pretending.  

I hate trying to get over you because of everything that isn’t you.  I hate everything keeping us apart.

i know we talk all this bullshit about trust (and I believe that these are legitimate things, trust is hard, it’s terrifying, especially when you’ve trusted and been dicked over) … but we’re just finding reasons… because we can’t make everything else go away.  but stop for a second and take away everything else. stop thinking about everything else. stop being responsible. stop being logical.  because this isn’t about logic, or responsibilities, or everything else. because if it came down to just you and i… you and i both know how good this could be.  that’s the worst part, you know.  how good it could be.  knowing.  and not just mentally.  somewhere deep. somewhere I can’t explain. somewhere no one else ever goes. 

uhg.

Day 12 out of 20

I really do try not to piss and moan.  I have a good life - a place to live, a job that pays my bills (however narrow the margin), good friends and a wonderful family.

But when you’re at day number 12 out of 20 straight of work/school with no days off, it gets hard to be optimistic.  

It’s like running on a treadmill… exhausted but not ever going anywhere or feeling like I’ve gotten anywhere… I’ll tell you one thing, Friday the 27th can not possibly come soon enough.

So now I’m going to watch She’s The Man, because it always makes me giggle.

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PS> I’m not blacking out, but I still think that SOPA and PIPA infringe on freedom of the press, freedom of speech, etc..  The internet is supposed to be about freedom of information, and if we allow big brother / big government to start censoring us in this way, then what is next?? I appreciate the effort to end piracy (stealing is wrong), but, there is a better way. Let’s find the better way instead of taking a shortcut and winding up back in 1984.